Self Belief

Sixth form. Well theres a lot to say about it for sure, i mean at times it great with the free periods and time with friends and the advance learning. Other times you feel at rock bottom, you feel so low and almost useless in everything you do it isnt great.

I mean i love the topics i've picked, sociology, history, drama and Re i love them to pieces but at the same time they drive me insane, with all the essays and work that comes with it. I know how i feel when i get a low grade, i feel like giving up, i feel like i can never do this. I can't improve, the amount of times i have considered just cutting my losses and going to college or something, its really stressful. I mean it can put strains on any relationships you have with friends, family and even a lover.

I mean i'm not afraid to admit that at sometimes yeah i am reallly struggling, i mean in my last two history essays i got a U it broke my heart its weird i never thought grades would bother me as much, and i began to not try in my other subjects because i felt well shit.

Today in Philosophy i got my confidence and self belief back, i got a B and was a mark or so off an A i swear i was so happy i nearly cried, suddenly all of my confidence came back and i thought i can do this. I really can, i'm going to redo my essays and the least i am getting is a D this time, i wont go down without a fight.

Basically the reason i'm writing this blog is to encourage all of YOU when you are feeling down, dont give up and even if you do dont quit. Wait and things will improve its probably only one subject you are struggling so dont give up the fight yet, you may have lost the battle with your subject but you haven't lost the war. You will win the war, if you believe you can do it. Keep smiling, i believe in every single one of you you are all capable of great things and i know you can do it. Nothing can stop you unless you let it so dont, keep trying. Keep that self belief and dont ever give up because you are in control of your future and you can make something brilliant of yourself, i know you can. If you feel down and think oh sod it i cant do it, remember this i believe in you, and i'm not the only one. Everyone out there believes in you so you should too, so grasp the opportunity and go, achieve make yourself proud, myself and everyone else around you already are. You can do this, keep smiling never give up be confident and finally Have self belief!!!

The person who always believed in me and i knew he did, he never gave up on me was kevin cook he constantly told me i was good enough and he was proud of me and i now hope i have made him proud, like he makes me proud by just existing. I love you kevin, and thankyou so so much :'D

i hope this blog has helped any of you who felt at a loss at the moment, it will get better and thats a promise :)

when one door closes another door opens...

So hey there fellow bloggers, i havent blogged in what seems like forever :3 i blame that on my sisters crappy laptop. Anyway about a month or so ago i got with my best friend, kevin cook. Its funny how things happen really, i was convinced after scott that it was the end, i would never find anyone else. I even blamed myself, i believed it was my negative thinking that drove him away (this was probably the case) But anyway, i found kev. Its funny though when we talk i realise now what was right in front of me all along. I think of how i used to feel when kev used to talk to me, or hug me or whatever. And now i realise i loved him, always have always will. Words cannot describe how much i love kev, i mean seriously i smile just thinking or talking about him. He means everything to me, its like the perfect relationship you know? I mean none of this trials and turbulances that i had with scott just a smooth ride, which in all honesty i never want to get off. I know a few people complained about my previous blogs, whining over the loss of scott well i'm certainly not whining anymore. Kev is my best friend, my lover, my world. Hes perfect in my eyes, from his adorable brown eyes, to his tight warm hugs, to his sense of humour. He really is amazing, and i love all the memories we share, we laugh, we cry, we cuddle, we bully. We have everything in our relationship he is my entire world and i guess you all know by now i really freaking adore kevin. I mean its funny how our first kiss was a dare right? But then it was like lightning bolts/fireworks/butterflies and flutterbies. We couldnt control ourselves and we just freely kissed repeatedly. I'm sure you dont want fully fledged details but it was amazing, its one of those nights for the history books. So i realised that well, when you think you've hit rock bottom it can only get better, never give up. You are in it to win it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and when you find your one, your only it will hit you - hard. You will know about it, true love is when they feel the same no stress, just happiness and love. Thats what love is, never give up. You will find your prince charming in the end, just gotta kiss a fair few frogs first ;3

Kevin John Cook 14/08/11

i love you to pieces

i love you millions

i love you so much

i love you forever and always, and my oh my i'm glad you came and i will not be forgetting you anytime soon, and thats a promise (L) My love forever and a day - always.

End of a chapter in my life.

Well as you guys all know for a long time i've had strong feelings towards scott, i mean we dated, then we split then dated again then split again and i was a mess. I admit i turned into a bit of a physco when we split i was hurting, thats all. Pain like that does stuff to you, it either makes or breaks you. I like to think that yeah sure, this broke me but in the end it made me who i am today. As most of you know we saw each other today to sort things once and for all.

At first i began to think things would never get sorted, i could see how sorry i was, the regret in his eyes, i could tell he was the real scott, almost a ghost to his former self. The scott i hated was well and truly gone.

I'm writing this blog to say that today was the end, make or break. I was scared when i saw him old feelings would come flooding back, i was scared i would want him back and go home a wreck and cry. I was sick of crying. Someone out there is looking out for me, i'm happy again.

Our long going feud is behind us, we are friends, best friends. I'm happier this way, he doesn't love me and neither do i him. We are close, we'll always have the memories keeping us close together. Nothing will ever change that, but we want each other to be happy. Being friends will do this, he isn't a bad guy afterall hes a good guy. Whoever he ends up is very lucky, very lucky indeed.

I keep smiling at the memories now, i look at them with joy instead of hate, i have well and truly cleared the air and we can move on from it and help each other out in love, lust, loss, friends family whatever. We know each other inside out so we can support each other and we always will. I dont want a new relationship right now, but i have moved on. I felt sympathy and care towards for scott, feelings of friendship. I'm glad we have finally put the past behind us and are mature enough to move on from that.

No more pointless yelling, no more sleepless nights, no more tears. We have moved on, and were mature enough to have each other in each others lifes. What we had wasn't a petty crush, it was love. So we will always care, and probably deep down love each other but as a brother and sister. I'm happy the fighting is ending. I surrendered and we are now friends, best friends. I couldn't ask for any more then that.

So i guess the point of this blog is that i'm happy with scott in my life, exes dont have to hate each other. They can be very close as long as they are both on the same wavelength and dont love each other. And they care enough to not want to lose the other it can work, so who knows what the future has in store for my personal life and scotts, but all i do know is he will always have a friend in me, and i in him. This simply fact may not seem like much, but it means the world and so much more to me.

Louu has realised a lot recently my emotions all over the place, but right here and now i am happy again, and i plan to stay this way for as long as possible. :)

JLS!

So i now how the majority of you hate JLS, but well i love them! and i had the best night of my life we were so near the front it was ridiculous! JB actually put his hands in a heart and pointed at me i was like AMG. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. standing was actually such a great experience ;3 i know for sure, that any future concerts no matter how rough it could get i will want to be standing you really get a feel for the atmosphere and get the full concert experience by standing.

I dont really like olly murs but he is so good live, not even joking he really gets the crowd going and makes them get involved i was screaming like a crazed fan and i dont even like olly! Alexis Jordan was good eventhough she did mime. However i highly recommend checking out this new band that supported them they are called the kixx, they are kind of a pop rock indie group, who are as fit as fuck. I highly suggest taking a listen to them.

The atmosphere was astounding eventhough it was pouring it down with rain i wouldnt have changed it for the world, the rain just added to the epic night and everyone got involved it was just an overall amazing night, i screamed so much i couldnt scream anymore it was out of this world! roll on the midnight beast on August 24th Cant wait :D xxx

Prom Night!

Prom was such a good night :) i spent all day getting ready, and trying to transform myself into a princess for the night, it felt so strange wearing a dress instead of my usual hoodies ;D i had a truly brilliant night. My favourite part of prom had to be when people first see you and you can see their whole expression is "wow" its the best feeling ever, you like beam from the inside and out.

I am a girly girl at heart i'm a bit of everything me. But prom made me feel special and pretty and well beautiful, the amount of compliments i got was insane and i love compliments :D Prom was intresting, we had a barbeque, took a lot of pictures, danced the night away, got a photo shoot style photos and i even managed to almost strip to everyone by rocking out to basshunter too hard! it could only be me :3

But yeah it was awesome, heres some prom pictures - i wanted to look my best and i think i looked pretty damn hot if i dont say so myself so enjoy bloggerinos (L)

Prom.

Prom. one of the most stressful situations in a girls life, seriously theres so much you have to get done, the guys really do have it easy!

I mean lets think about what us girls have arrange and get sorted :

1. Transport

2. Makeup

3. Nails

4. Hair

5. Dress

6.Shoes

7. Money

8. Purse

9. Bag

10. Jacket

and thats just at the top of my head, i mean i'm not one of those sterotypical girls who wants to be "prom queen" or anything like that, thats far too cliche for me.

I mean, the normal imagery of the kind of person whos nominated for prom queen is Stuck up, Snobby, Rude, Ignorant and stupid.

I find prom really stressful to be honest! far more stressful then my gcses, because sure i dont wanna be the best loooking there, but i dont wanna look like an idiot either and i feel that for the typical teenage girl prom is something they have always been looking forward too like a wedding. However i also feel that proms become really americanized i dont like that its become american orienated.

I Hate americans D:

so yeah, prom = stress.

i hope i look alright on the night :')

heres me in my dress

i hope it all pans out

Love you fellow bloggerinos :D

Sixth Form Induction!

So i've said this many a time that i will write a daily blog :3 but yeah i'm pretty determined :D

Today was my sixth form induction, and surprisingly for a day of school it was pretty fun :D the options i've decided to take are History, Sociology, Drama And Re.
so we arrived there this morning and we had a brief assembly on the basic rules of sixth form, truthfully i wasnt listening because i was on my phone :P

We got taken to look out our class lists and our lessons for that day, i was pretty pleased with mine :)
Lesson One History With Rebecca Daniels And Charlotte Horn :D
Lesson two sociology with Rebecca Daniels And Rebecca Newton
Lesson Three Drama with Chloe Radford
Lesson Four Re with nathan bennet ;D

Turns out my bottom two lessons every lesson will be at queensbury so i guess i'll be hopping on the bus a lot and i should be in laura skeltons class for RE and Scotts... O_O class for drama that could be quite intresting.

All and all throughout my day it was intresting i worked hard, it was quite draining but i felt like i'd achieved something at the end of the day and i really hope to pull i together this time and do well in my A Levels instead of dosing about i've done enough of that for sixteen years, but i really cant wait till september i reallly think sixth form is the way forward for me :)
so i'm pretty focused on my education at the moment lets see how long this lasts before Louu slips back into her old ways...