Working Hard

Why bother trying when you just get down graded?

I'm gunna be honest, anyone who knows me knows i dont really tend to work in school, as much as i should. But the thing is i really took a liking to our english coursework subject - love. I really tried so hard, i wrote solidly for two hours.

and all that came oiut of it was that i have to re write the whole thing and change the whole course of it because i got too involved, passionate and opinated about the capability about men and how they love. I dont know if you agree but in my experience the majority of men are after one thing and one thing only? i made this point in my essay and apparently it was like i was saying i hated men? and that they arent capable of loving? Which is ridiculous, i never made that point. Or maybe its just me.

I'm a passionate and opinaiated person thats who i am thats why i struggle with coursework i find it ver difficult to not get involved in the arguement.

I admit i have flaws and not taking criticism well is one of them but what irritated me is that she didnt point out what i did well? simply what i failed at. The same occured in german they always seem to focus on how we can IMPROVE not what we did well.

and for me to try it takes a lot, and then when i get this kind of feedback i start to feel like a big fail and like what even was the point in my making an effort? it didnt work - i still failed and it gets me down.

I really think in the future i should get into a career to do with arguing and backing up something? Perhaps womens rights, i'm always very passionate about tthat :') Perhaps its my calling? i dont know. It just annoys me when people purely criticise and dont praise.

Reflections - friend or foe?

i know when i look in the mirror i am utterly repulsed by what i see, the short eyeslashes, spots, blackheads, frizzy hair, fat. my eyebrows. I literally hate how i look, i often look in the mirror and think "do i really look like that?" or even "why does my mirror hate me so much?"

I normally take a ig heavy sigh and head out the door, feeeling rather unconfident. I dont think i've ever looked at myself and thought WOW. i'm something special.

It makes me laugh when people are like "its all about personality" But lets be honest. in our soceity we wouldnt date the hunchback of notredarme. they have to have realitive good looks, and appeal to us. I look at everyone around me and i think - wow your so beautiful! what happened to me? why am i cursed like this.

People are always telling me how pretty i am and i never believe them i think i'm a troll.

So Really what i often wonder is why people say it isnt all about looks? Its kind of a half and half scenario. You cant get a guy without looks and a great personality to match. I dont think i have either, but perhaps i'm just insecure.

So what i often wonder is mirror? friend or foe? i mean no matter how long we spend looking in the mirror it never looks "right" so why do we bother?

Tension.

There are many different types of tension in our lives, and we cant expect there not to be - but i think the way you deal with this tension shows what kind of person you are.

Some people get in really bad moods so easily, or if they need to air a problem they do it in the worst possible manner. I admit i'm not amazing in arguements i'm one of the worst people, you've all probably been at the end of my firing line at some point in my life, but i know what i'm like. and at least i get it out of my system.

It irritates me how some people deal with situations. like online and such thing? i'm like why not do this in person and it annoys me how tension is so easily caused

Religion
Race
War
Gender
Love

surely we should argue to get out this tension but when people pick fights. this annoys me.

i felt the need for a blog and this popped up :P

Fears.

Everyone has at least one fear, some are like me and have multiple fears. I mean i'm scared of many things but i believe that when you are scared of many things it shows you have real emotion and feeling and in may ways fear makes you a stronger person. As you arent afraid to admit your fears.

Anyone who tells you they have no fears it a coldhearted,pathetic,coward and quite simply they are LYING to you. Everyone has fears - some are brave enough to admit it. I am one of those peopls i admit i'm scared of everything. all different sorts of things.

I'm scared of Owls, ghosts, loosing loved ones, that i wont move on from scott, that no one will send me texts like he used too, no one will fit that perfect image like he did - i'm terrified of that. It scares me that he has this hold over me it does. I'm scared of the dark, i'm scared of death, i'm scared of things that arent real. i'm scared of pain and hurt, i'm scared of the dentist, i'm scared of needles, injections. You name and i'm probably scared of it - i'm one of those typical girls who has fear.

But i'm not afraid to show that. and if a loved one was in danger i would face that fear head on. And i think that Without fear we wouldnt have courage. And the bravest of us all are those who can admit fear open heartedly and not pretend we arent scared. Because that is where the true cowards lie, not admitting you fear - but shying away from it.

"Courage is doing what your afraid to do, without fear there can be no courage"

Catherine cookson.

So, i've been off ill and my mum's got the catherine cookson books on dvd so i've been watching them. Jesus christ they are so good . We just watched the glass virgin. it was so good it was about this girl who had a crap life. she lived with adopted parents, her dad was a womanizer, her real mum and dad were prosteatues she got with the love of her life but he went to jail and then he ran away because he thought it would be better for her. so fucking good. we have loads of dvds left to watch they are SO long though seriously its like whoah. they are amazing though and i thought my life was crap - its nothing compared to these guys. I cant wait to watch the next one :D

Blog ya later ;) xxx

The zodiac.

I myself, am a strong believe in astrology, horoscopes and the zodiac. It pretty much takes over my life.

I mean theres all the signs which i know off by heart - if you told me a date i could tell you what starsign you are.

theres -
Capricorn, aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, saggitarius.

Of course theres the new zodiac sign arrangements which in my opinion is silly because that is all i've known.

I'm so obsessed with starsigns that if someone is off a certain starsign i wont befriend them or i'm extremley wary of them because i know how my starsign and theres clashes.

i love horoscopes they really intrigue me and if someone does something wrong i will analyse it and see if its in there charcteristics of said starsign.

Yeah, i know. i rely on horoscopes far too much but i love them :D

Melissa and I

Myself and melissa molloy have gone through a lot of ups and downs since we first met, we started talking over facebook and commented on each others pictures - then we started speaking on msn. and gradually we got closer and closer :D

We've had a few ups an downs since we met, we've had a few fights and trust me they've been quite scary fights, we both never back down you see although in the end we just ended up laughing about how funny we sounded - melissa even said i sounded like jeremy kyle

So we've had our ups and downs and we never really spoke after the big fight until now and what i find funny is that Blogger. Has made us closer

WE LOVE BLOGGER (L)